pride must suffer pain

2010-09-17T23:35:00.004+08:00

So much for respect. What the fuck is your problem? I'm telling/asking you 'cause I respect you, right? Why else would I even say anything? If I was bent on doing it no matter what, you think I'd have bothered to mention it to you? Obviously if you had some kind of violent objection, I wouldn't go on with it. The way you react is like telling us you couldn't care any less for our respect. You're not even trying, are you? You won't even try to be happy for her (what, you expect her to marry someone you love but she settles for? get over yourself), you act like you don't give a shit about what we do.

ANYWAY. I AM OUT OF HERE (like now. decided the layout can wait 'cause I love my new url~ and I've been sick of swirlsandtwirls for ages, and well I just want to go.)
WAITING FOR A TRAIN THAT WILL TAKE ME FAR FAR AWAY. Good if you get the (vague) hint. Otherwise you can just ask!

2010-09-17T02:07:00.003+08:00

Hi. I've been going without much rest for the past couple of days, like how I did during the school term. Amazingly it actually helps me to stay awake at work, ha ha. I'm so glad it's Friday tomorrow. Tons of stuff I want to do over the weekend, actually. And wow, 16 days left. That's... quite unbelievable.

I'm trying to clear my tabs in Firefox, but there's just not enough time. :/ I should probably sleep soon. Ta for now. My head just feels fuzzy.

2010-09-15T02:02:00.004+08:00

Hi hi hi hi hi. I want to write every day like I used to but there's less for me to indulge in my endless loops of thoughts. The wrong places and the little time. Weekends are siezed like tomorrow doesn't exist (but it does, thus why we sieze) and there's really, hardly time for me to sit on the bus, alone with tunes that are more than just pleasant-sounding, look outside, and think.

Although it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Work's turned my brain to mush, and also, at work, besides attempting to do work, I try my darndest not to laugh when I read something fucking hilarious, and drown in the Inception fandom. Yeah... then when I get home I drown in Tumblr.

I finally got my new battery and charger adapter :) I can't say I'm not chuffed! Feels good to be able to use Ophelia properly again.

Some thoughts that've been sticking around in my head the past couple of days: I miss you. I hope you realise that when I said I missed you I really meant it so, much, because cheesy as it sounds, you are my favourite distraction, my favourite escape, and you're also the one who loves me for who I am (and I know this without a doubt). I have trust issues, but your words, common as they might seem, are words I believe that you actually mean. And I don't say it but I'm thankful that you tell me those words because they remind me, they comfort me, they give me hope. We are so comfortable and I am endlessly thankful for it.

(my god that was so cheesy and cliched wasn't it)

AND OKAY OKAY OKAY I AM MOVING SOON. THIS WEEK.

2010-09-13T22:57:00.002+08:00

Olá~ Work was boring, no doubt, but I barely felt sleepy at least! Funny thing happened today — I bumped into Javin on the train home from work. It was extra weird 'cause both he and I don't normally commute between home and work by train; we usually take the bus. So for us to have met on the train was like, woah, okay. We ended up having dinner at Thomson Plaza, and I laughed plenty throughout the brief meeting. Which was nice, that slight (only so very slightly) awkward comfort.

I bought a new book :) as well as a metal ruler, and penknife. I am thrilled because I just discovered that my favourite penknife costs only 90c. It's awesome. Would you believe that my total tab was less than the original price of the book? Yeahhhhh, awesome. :D

"It's not fair to you, pet."

"To be left waiting?"

"To be left at all."

2010-09-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

“though he may wander and stray,
he will never be lost because,
like a compass finding north,
she is the fixed point in the world
that he returns to in the end”

you're waiting for a train

2010-09-12T00:35:00.002+08:00

Hey. My weekend's been really good so far :) I love long weekends. It's amazing to wake up on a Friday and remember that it's a PH, and to retire to bed and remember that you still have 2 more days of break ahead of you!!!

I was supposed to meet Huimin for lunch on Friday but I suddenly came down with a stupid headache. It wasn't the worst by any means but it drove me quite mad :( I couldn't really do much besides lie on my stomach and not move. Woke up after a few hours much better, but with my head still feeling both heavy and light. And right at that moment my phone started buzzing from Bez's call!

So yup I went to meet them at our usual place :) It felt so fucking good to just sit there and feel happy and feel like some things never change. Did I mention how much I missed them?

This morning I went to the Sapura Service Centre. Apparently the problem with my trackpad button was because of my bloated battery! So they took my charger adapter as well as my battery, which is a blessing 'cause they did give me a temporary charger! :) Now I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that Apple will cover the cost under AppleCare.

Then I met Huimin for lunch. Went to the library after that. After which we went seperate ways, I went home, mooched around a bit, then got ready to go out and meet the guys again. Watched them jam at this hole-in-the-wall place in Outram Park and had a superrrrr belated dinner after that. I swear Kenji was on weed 'cause he was all trippy and giggly, ha ha. It was like half past 11 by the time we were on the train so Keith and I got off at Douby Ghaut to cab back.

Anw there's so many things I wanna do but argh so little time!!!!! :(

2010-09-08T01:37:00.002+08:00

How do you stop thinking about bad stuff?

1. Listen to good music
2. Read a good book
3. Watch a good movie
4. Sleep
5. Decide (and seriously want) to stop thinking about it.

I don't know how but I managed it. Just... like that. But I don't remember what I used to think about before bad stuff lived in my head rent-free. I can't explain how much I look forward to the long weekend because there's really much things I need to do. Like going down to Sapura service centre and having Gong Cha and possibly BEEF CHILI CHEESE FRIES PLEASE? (I'm looking at you, Huimin)

I need to start coding again... and I also need to go nowwww. It's (late)

2010-09-06T00:19:00.003+08:00

Heyyyyy. I figured I should blog first thing 'cause I'd get carried away with other things if I didn't.

1. I met Yan at Bishan the other day! And we had the whole there's-got-to-be-more-to-life-than-this sorta chat, haha. It was nice to see her again, albeit briefly.

I don't actually remember much else about my week. :/

2. Met Huimin for lunch on Saturday~ as usual. We dropped by Suntec to check out the Body Shop sale, which was rather decent although the entire room was drowning in strong scents. Comex is crazy.

3. Today my mac charger died on me ;_; thank god for Huimin who lent me her charger! Lifesaver ♥ Heh. Then I met Liern and Sher for dinner at the Prata House followed by Icekimo after :)

It's been a nice weekend. I feel like this weekend's been sufficient! And very very thankful for the long weekend next week yay :) :) Okay it's half past 12 alr omg I'll be off to do other things.

4. Joe is possibly the single, most adorb man to ever walk this earth
5. Escape's the only way

2010-09-01T01:24:00.003+08:00

Hey so, Monday was actually an okay day at work (i.e. not sleepy) followed by dinner with Jon at Chijmes. And then just walking around and Starbucks♥♥ Every time I get my usual iced hazelnut latte, it always feels like it was ages ago that I had my last one.

Today was possibly one of the sleepiest days in the office ever D: It's bloody annoying when that happens, even coffee was useless. ANDANDAND AFTER DAYS OF SEARCHING I FINALLY FOUND THE 2 FICS I WAS LOOKING FOR.

There's always 10 million things on my to-do list and never enough time :/

do we really have to go? do we really have to stay? when you realise just how important someone is... you miss the crap out of them. and i'd never thought about it but thank god for you guys that i found someone who could keep me steady.

2010-08-29T23:01:00.002+08:00

Today was a pretty long day walking around town with Huimin! We had Soup Spoon for lunch (mm the mushroom pesto sandwich is good but I want to try the Simon and Garfunkel soup next time). We walked around, some random girl gave us this $5 New Look voucher thingy (not that we had a use for it), had Happy Lemon pudding milk tea (it's pretty good) and from Ion we went to Taka and then Milennia Link/Marina Square/Esplanade Link. Which added more things to my shopping list, gosh. But all in all today was fruitful (and expensive, we spent more money than we normally would) (and the things I bought were all quite... girly and not in my usual style)

2010-08-29T02:18:00.002+08:00

Suddenly I feel so very tired. I had plans for this weekend but looks like I'll have to wait till the next (or maybe I could do it during the week, though that's mostly unlikely). This week seems like it's passed in a flash, and I never blog because really, there's nothing new to say about work.

But I've realised stuff in the past week, and I'm so, so thankful.

I can't help but squee, JOE IS SO DAMN GORGEOUS, AND TOM HAS THE BEST ACCENT EVER, AND KEN MAKES THE MOST BAD-ASS FACES, AND MARION'S ENGLISH IS TOTALLY IMPECCABLE. I am hooked, I totally am.

And I think Room For Squares has just made it onto my list of favourite albums :)

2010-08-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

Friday at work I finally got to do some proper designing again! I never thought I'd miss it but maaaaan I did. And instead of feeling sleepy like I usually did, I felt much more alert and it was fantastic.

Saturday I had lunch with Huimin at AMK as usual, then we went to Bugis to have Tom's Palette! This time we had sea salt caramel cheesecake with apple+rosemary (which is reeeeally good) and I reckon the Thai restaurant just opposite it must be good 'cause there was a queue when we left.

Then we went to Bras Basah Complex, dropped by Cat Socrates and then to Basheer Graphic Books. A bit hard to believe but it was my first time there and I swear, it's the perfect place to lose yourself in. I was taken by Cat Socrates, but I definitely prefer Basheer so much more. It's hardly perfect in a regular sense; it isn't air-conditioned, the floor isn't carpeted, there's no music, there aren't comfortable beanbags or the like. But it feels clean and calm and the silence is so hard to come by. Plus the owner is a really nice, affable man. :)

I am losing myself in John Mayer's brilliance. Maybe that's why I love books and music best.

2010-08-19T23:53:00.002+08:00

I felt so tired, leaving work today. Like I hadn't slept in 3 days. It wasn't even physical fatigue. My head just felt like one quickly fraying thread about to snap. God, that feeling scares me.

Yesterday I was in the office till 945. Crazy right? A lot of slightly hysterical laughing towards the end. And I don't even remember Tuesday.

It's amazing, how differently you can feel about someone you love and someone you used to love.

2010-08-17T01:05:00.002+08:00

God I'm so tired right now. Work was damn boring today. I swear the "music" will drive me up the wall soon. Plus the small-talk chatter throughout the day next to me is... not entirely comfortable because I prefer to talk properly or not unless necessary. Not one liners here and there about things that I generally couldn't really care much about/obviously redundant and/or useless (like "oh you're drawing lines!" and i'm thinking "well i fucking know that, i'm drawing them").

(POSSIBLE) INCEPTION SPOILERS BELOW.

Met Jon to watch Inception! First for him and second for me. The first time you're captured by the storyline. The second time, you get to properly admire the whole beauty of the masterpiece. JGL/Arthur is really a BAGQMF. "I specialize in a very special type of bad-assery: anti-gravity" kind of sums that up. Plus he's so dapper in his vest haha equally too though, in the motorcycle jacket.

This time I got to appreciate the little details a bit more. Like Yusuf's middle finger, or Eames' accent, or the interaction between Saito and Eames. I also took more note of the music and I really must say the score is pretty sweeeet.

Okay I'm tired so I think I'll crash (soon) but before I go

i) Please stop messing with my head. I would hazard a guess and say you probably don't realise it (as always), but you should. You should know better, seeing as what's happened before (more than once may I add). It's never going to be the same and you shouldn't keep doing it like this. Don't you learn? Or listen?

ii) I resent that you always seem to pick them over me even though they pick other people over you.

2010-08-15T23:51:00.003+08:00

#nowplaying Aqualung — Good Times Gonna Come

I've been having so many food cravings lately. Frolick with fruitty pebbles, bak chor mee, beef chilli cheese fries, iced hazelnut latte.

Explorer kitty was in the garden this afternoon, basking in the warm sun. He was purring for such a long time :) :)

2010-08-15T00:18:00.003+08:00

#nowplaying John Mayer — Not Myself

When did I become... significant to you? I'm asking 'cause it wasn't too long ago that I felt certain this bridge surely would never break or grow weary. Yesterday, it came to me the way you step on a particularly crunchy leaf and awake from a thoughtful reverie.

No bridge is invincible.

Beats me how I missed out on realising that, 'cause I've always tried to remind myself that nothing gold can stay, that this too shall pass. But... I guess hope is more resilient than we realise. Except that our downfall is when hope turn into expectations. Just a thin line seperating the two.

Most people say it's better to feel something, anything, than nothing at all. But happiness dissolves quick and melancholy sticks like a stray bit of glitter that you have no idea from where it came. Although I think immense sadness, when it first hits you, is different from melancholy. Melancholy is like a sigh, a heavier exhalation, one that you miss if you're not paying attention.

In a weird way, it's like holding a cold, steel blade to the bare skin of your inner wrist. You pull the smooth blade gently, slowly across and feel the tension break, and the pain spreads slow, steady, warm. But that feeling dissolves and you can't feel and so you cut again.

I considered for a moment that it would not be such a tragedy to lose myself. Strange, because I've often tried to fight against exactly that. Losing myself. But it's like sadness or anger has the power to override joy in that exact moment. I mean, you can be at your favourite band's concert and your good friend gets hit by a car and is in a coma. But if your friend is in a coma you can't feel happy about that concert any more, can you?

But then I also thought that perhaps pain moulds us, morphs us. Pain, unlike fleeting bliss, is always there. It's constant (reliable, comfortable). Pain's there when everything else has gone.

I also think I sound a bit crazed.

I met Huimin for lunch yesterday and today! There wasn't squat to do so we ended up in the library again.

2010-08-13T01:02:00.002+08:00

Hello. I'm craving for crepes and penang laksa and mos burger milk tea (and fries w mustard) and an iced hazelnut latte and I want to watch Inception again...

"and call each other when we get home
falling asleep to the sound
of sirens"

it shocked me, like i had the wind knocked out of my lungs

2010-08-12T01:01:00.004+08:00

John Mayer — City Love
John Mayer — Wheel

Hey. Surprisingly I was early to leave the house, but yet not on time for work because one of the trains on the circle line does this annoying I'm-only-going-to-open-the-door-a-sliver thing. And it was annoyingly hard to stay awake at work today. Annoying because it's embarrassing and especially so because my colleague teased me about it at lunch. Pfffft.

Work is work is work but now that my supervisor is back there's less freedom 'cause she has 2 computers, both of which are probably connected to the same CPU 'cause the screen moves even when she's not sitting at the desk next to mine. Which she seems to prefer.

I was so tired though that I missed my stop again. Which was how I narrowly trodding on red candles stuck in the groud along the pavement. Thank goodness for the girl who got off a split second before me 'cause she kinda made an awkward swerve.

I miss the life I used to have before life took it away, if that makes sense. I don't know what made me but I wondered for a moment when I last laughed voraciously. I'm going to keep trying to bring my bridges back.

2010-08-11T01:09:00.003+08:00

#nowplaying John Mayer — 83

I love my desktop wallpaper. It's just a picture of a bright blue sky and wispy clouds, but the feeling of cleaniness and breeziness it invokes in me is lovely. It's like... walking alone in the afternoon, it's so light and bright out. The sky's so clean. There's this sweet little breeze. And you're plugged into your ipod, playing that music which you lie in the grass and watch clouds to. Drinking mos burger's milk tea.

I bought a new case for my phone! I know I said I didn't want the one with the M&M home button on the case but I really fell in love with the colour. I spied it online first, but as it turned out they didn't actually stock the colour -_- then some time back I saw it at J8, so today I went to get it. It's more expensive, but I like the colour so it's okay~ It almost exactly matches the tee I'm wearing right now, ha ha.

My Firefox seems to be working much, much better now! It still does crash but it's definitely moving significantly quicker. I shall take my leave now. p/s I do hope there will be an Artemis Fowl movie series. And I do think Tom Felton would be perfect for the principal character.

"and I will lead them on a merry chase"

2010-08-09T23:19:00.005+08:00

Hi! I'm finally here again. I just cleared through some of the backlogged Tumblr posts but there's still a whole lot more to go. I figured I'd write first since it's been a while. Hopefully Firefox doesn't trip and fall flat on its face again... and hopefully the problem is just the number of tabs I have open, which will resolve when I clear them later. Maybe it was also due to the number of files I had on my desktop too.

Thursday after work I met Ling and Min for dinner :) :) We ate at MOF@AMK. The food's... so-so but the desserts are really good (as expected, I guess?) so I'd definitely recommend it, although I can't remember who told me but apparently the outlet at Bugis is much better. Anyway after dinner we took a seat at Macs for a short while, attempted to take a decent picture (and failed) and we headed home after that. I reeeeeally hope we'll have our picnic/sleepover!

Saturday afternoon I was at Bishan queuing up to buy Koi — the queue was thankfully short, as was the wait after. And of all the people, I bumped into Veron! That was quite a surprise. Later in the evening I met up with Jon to celebrate Tracy being 21 and invicible :) It was at this boutique hotel Klapson's, which is so gorgeous inside. It's tiny, just 17 rooms in 4 levels. But it's really quite posh. The party was pretty fun although, meh, my head felt light after just about 2 and a half drinks. Weird thing was, I had maybe 3 more drinks after that and felt completely sober. Maybe it was just 'cause of the drama that unfolded.. idk. It was like 3 by the time I got home.

Sunday I went out for lunch with Huimin. I love Mos Burger but kinda only their teriyaki chicken burger+milk tea+mustarddddd. Bloody brilliant. We walked around for a bit, headed to the library. I really need to read more. In the evening I met Sher and Liern to check out City Plaza! It's, hmm. Nothing to shout about, but we all went home with something so haha I guess it's still worth a look see now and then.

Today I lazed around at home. I think 3 day weekends are perfect (because that means 4 days of work instead of 5!! and I'm less reluctant for tomorrow morning to come).

Oh I love Joseph Gordon Levitt. He is so. so. so. adorbz. Well and Tom Felton. What kind of guy signs off his tweets with a kiss? Only adorbz ones hehehe

// I would've said this to you if I didn't think it would hurt your feelings but I didn't want to risk that. I know it's so easy to fall. Trust me, I do. But it's unlikely that he can give you what you're looking for.

LIGHTS ON SINKING SHIPS ARE GLEAMING! GLEAMING! GLEAMING!

2010-08-05T00:28:00.003+08:00

God, I love music. Amazing how it can easily make my heart heavier and so, so much lighter. Did I ever mention that Concert March Take Off II was such a Disney-ish song? This is so cliche but honestly it feels like clouds and tiny twinkling stars and tippy toes. And it's not in your face at all. It just kind of tugs you along, gently, like a gust of wind to a falling leaf.

There's always silver lining. There's always something worth smiling for. There's always something good to remember and be thankful about. Somehow I feel particularly thankful for my girls today. We actually went to the airport to see Jiayi off to New York for her internship. (I am totes jealous and filled with wanderlust btw!! haha) I've had some stuff weighing on my mind for the past couple of days and somehow until today I never quite realised how much better I could feel just by talking about it. I'm so glad to have them.

It's so... crazy how Anberlin just makes sense of it all. Dark is the way, light is a place. If you've never seen the dark, you'll never see the light. And you'll always be in that box of yours.

2010-08-03T00:18:00.002+08:00

Hello! I don't really feel like doing much, I was in the office till 10. The morning was sooooo slow and I felt so sleepy. Resistance to coffee is indeed futile. Man, my head's been a wreck today. What I need is sleep to clear my mind. Or good music. Or talking to a nice, totally adorbz guy hahahaha :) My iced coffee cravings are coming back.

ha ha ha ha ha fuck everything forever. The same things keep resounding in my head. Can anything be vivid and stale at the same time? So boring and tiring and still sometimes scary. Please, please keep me close and never let go.

Have you ever thought that the state of happiness is merely the temporary state of forgetting unhappiness?

2010-08-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

Hellooooo. I was thinking never being content, always chasing after the newer and better and more shiny, complete with blinking, flashing lights. Novelty doesn't last but we chase so fervently after it anyway. And I think that contentment comes from... novelty but not in the usual sense of the word? It's like... thinking you had no more M&Ms left in the packet, only to peer into the pack and realise there's one more. So another way of putting it would be falling in love over and over again, with the same little nuances. Like you're reliving the first day you fell in love each and every time.

And I think... music is probably one of the biggest constants for me in this way. I feel like my relationship with music is so personal. Like it's just me and the music. Often it makes me smile. Sometimes when I'm reminded of how I never seem to be good enough, it makes me cry. But I always feel better. And I'm so, so thankful for music saving my life all the time. For God giving me the smallest (which always turn into the biggest) blessings. Like having the best part of 4 years in Mayflower Concert Band. Like how I was so doubtful about my workplace at first but then I realised exactly how protected I was. That I have a family that never lets me stray far from Him and how much stronger my relationship with my mum has become. I've been blessed with good hearing, no bad company, the ability to see silver lining, strength that sometimes even I can't see. The ability to understand that sometimes you have to be the bad guy, that every-fucking-thing takes effort, that you must know a good one when you see one, but you must know that things change. Nothing is constant.

I think it's thanks so much to my relationship with God that I've been able to see how blessed I am. It's so hard to entrust everything in your life with God but eventually you'll always see He does it best. He lets you wander but He always provides you with things to realise on your own that you want to go back, closer to Him.

/

Anywaaaaay today I went to town with Liern Sher and Jiayi! We had lunch and Slice thereafter. I bought that blue top!! Haaaappy :) We mostly walked around in FEP. Met Liwen at the MRT station and we continued to walk through Wisma and then to Taka. Wisma has become such a boring place now! Anyway Liwen's a real nice person haha she's so funny and candid. We settled at Macs for fries with a ton of sauces and headed home after that. I got off at Bishan with Sher and we had a nice little chat while we went around running various errands :)

I can't believe the weekend ended this quickly. :(

2010-07-31T11:28:00.003+08:00

#nowplaying John Mayer — Neon / A Dream Too Late — Intermission To The Moon / Feltbeats — In Your Arms

Heyyyyy it's been ages hasn't it. The week's been mediocre. I hate Freehand... but unless I use Freehand I can't prepare stuff for printing with the right bleeding and crop markings. Which is bloody annoying. Illustrator just refuses to do it.

Yesterday after work I met Ben. For coffee hahaha of all the things... just sat around and chatted for a while and then I had to go to Chomp Chomp where I was expecting loads of people but only Christina XL Connie YYY and Jasmine were there -_- so we ate and then we had Frolick! It felt nice to be able to chat like that with everyone, y'know as if we were still in school. I miss school, never thought I'd say that.

2010-07-27T23:42:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying Feist — My Moon My Man

Who's a BAMF? Joseph Gordon Levitt and Tom Hardy, that's who. :D

//

I thought I was the only one. I guess Anberlin was right when they said to never take friendship personal (but only with people like you). You know, you expect people to give a shit about you, but you push them away, or you make no efforts on your part. Stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time.

2010-07-27T01:07:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying Lily Allen — Kock 'Em Out

Hi! Good day good day. This song is really catchy and feel-good. Surprisingly I woke up easily this morning despite having slept at close to 4, and that it was raining. The cold air felt so fab, though. One of the things I really love about mornings (but only if it's cool at least)

I left the house late but reached work on time. Circle line=brill. Takes just 10 minutes from Bishan to Tai Seng. I didn't get much work done 'cause I felt sleepy the entire morning, but after lunch 班长 asked me to help him assemble golf coupons haha that was so much better than sitting in front of the computer, somehow. Probably because I get to chat and laugh at 班长 and Gaowei (?) haha yea first time I did OT, and didn't mind the least bit.

Then Inception! Mind. Blown. Best mindfuck of. all. time. Legen-wait for it-dary! Ha ha. Yea, I loved it. New favourite movie, uh huh. I love iced lattes. Mmmm

I shall sleep soon. I'm soooo tempted to spend money buying lots of things at the moment

"I got love handles but I can't handle love"

2010-07-25T22:12:00.004+08:00

#nowplaying Said The Whale — Howe Sounds

I'm in a good mood at the moment :) The rain's lovely, of course, and this song I'm listening to is so feel-good. I just watched The Beat My Heart Skipped, which was when I realised I haven't watched anything alone in the dark on my computer for agessss. I guess my time went elsewhere, plus GA won't be back till late this year/early next, I think.

In addition to reading the other 4 Harry Potter books I think I shall watch the movies after that. I'm ashamed to say that I don't have much recollection of the movies at all :(

I am in my shopping mood again. I spy 2 3 4 tops that I want to get, still. Haha. I'm wondering if I should use the hinge wallet which Sherlyn got for my birthday but I wouldn't want it to get dirty :(

I saw Samuel today! At the bus stop while I was on the bus, though. Haha.

I don't know why I miss you like that... but I miss everyone. I don't think I ever go without missing at least one person

just chasing safety

2010-07-24T02:58:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying Anberlin — Impossible

1. Work is pretty okay. :)

2. You think I'm unforgiving but it's only because you don't seem sorry at all. You don't show it like he does but you're just as, if not more, conceited than him. You won't even listen to him, what more me? Maybe you don't give a fuck that you've ~~taken us for granted~~ dropped us and hey if even he thinks so, it's damn well true. I should just drop this and give up.

3. You know you've treated her like crap.

4. I still want to know who I am to you. It's not like I'm expecting any particular answer, I'm just curious.

5. I miss feeling safe. I guess Stephen King is right. Understanding is overrated — what counts is the person who understands.

6. Hah, I just noticed something funny about points 2, 3 and 4 and the 3 different people they're about

we owe this to ourselves, we just can't let this go

sunglow skies

2010-07-23T00:18:00.003+08:00

I got a bit of a shock when I saw that my last entry was on Tuesday and that it's already Friday. But well actually it's Thursday that ended a bit too quickly, so it's okay. Work's been fine. My colleagues are so nice! And now I understand how I've been blessed. I don't have the snazziest office, the coolest boss, the most fun work, but everyone is really nice and I'm happy.

What sucks is that work makes the rest of my day feel soooooo short. :(

I hate rollover ads.

Why don’t people understand that any relationship, even friendship, or kinship, requires effort? Why do people think they can do whatever they want, act however they like, and think they can get away with it because the person on the receiving end is their friend? They take people for granted and wonder what went wrong… Not saying you have to act like someone else but it's precisely 'cause you care about these people that you shouldn't take them for granted.

I can't believe how tired I am already. It's only 1am.

2010-07-20T21:29:00.002+08:00

1. Grey's Anatomy has an awesome soundtrack.

2. Hello, Sennheisers!

3. Facebook is retarded (i.e. slow)

4. I love my mom.

5. I said "nasty" and realised I pronounce it the English way, like n-eh-st-y as opposed to n-ah-st-y. Like how Keith noticed I say Jason Mr-eh-z and not Mr-ah-z.

6. Work was much better today although I did fall asleep at one point lol. Everyone's really nice and friendly and we all even had a home cooked lunch of pineapple rice and clear soup! Which is... kinda nice. So the workplace is okay, but work itself is long and boring and bleh it's a chore to wake that early... :(

29:11

2010-07-19T21:43:00.002+08:00

If That's Alright With You — Feltbeats

You can hear but not listen, just like how you can be alive and not live, or be lonely and not alone.

Why are you so relunctant to be on your own? We all have those voices in our heads and you're never going to escape from yourself. I can't understand you at all — you say you don't want pity, but the way you act completely contradicts that. How did you not realise that it's so much easier to be alone and not feel lonely, than it is to be surrounded by people and feel nothing else but loneliness?

Today was my first day at work. It was... awkward at first. Because everyone speaks in Chinese and even the PC OS is in Chinese and trying to figure out Freehand, in which some things that exist in Illustrator don't exist here, in Chinese, was like..

But everyone is really nice, and there's no pressure or stress or whatever. But work's... long, I guess. Like reeeeeally long. I'm just holding onto the hope that this is the path I was meant to go down.

Had dinner with Huimin at AMK. This is going to be a loooong 12 weeks...

"I write songs for her"

2010-07-19T01:41:00.003+08:00

HELLO! I have had a looooong end to my week. Which explains.. the dust and cobwebs here. I'll keep it quick 'cause I'm starting work tmr!! and it's close to 2am. Er. Thursday was a fiasco, we made the deadline in time but the presentation was real shit and it was soooo obvious Ferdi had to ask, "are you happy with it?" well you can tell what my answer was.

Then I went to Bugis to celebrate Liern's dinner with STEAMBOAT! Her bf/poly friends/sister were there and they're all super friendly! :D It was a pretty good night out :) Then Sher and Jiayi and I went to AMK macs for a quick drink and chat thereafter. Maaaan it's nice to be with friends. :)

Friday.. did some stuff and went to Liern's house for mahjong upon her sister's invitation! Hahah. I wasn't sure what to expect at first 'cause well I am a total amateur at mahjong. But it turned out to be rly fun! Jin Siang, Jeremias and Brandon were super nice and patient haha I did quite well that day I think :D

I slept at 3am that night, and I know that 'cause I was awoken at 6am... you know why?

The house flooded. Again. So mum, brother and I worked on damage limitation. Till like 8am when we went out for breakfast at Macs. Then more cleaning up. After that I went out with Huimin as usual. Routine lunch at amk, then to 313. Went to New Look and Uniqlo and then quickly to F21. Then home. KO-ed at 9pm hahaha fucking early

Today... bumming around.

//

And you: honestly, I have ten million more things to think about than you. Ever considered deflating your ego? You might want to try that. I was silly with rose tinted glasses on, but c'mon that was 2 years ago. I got over it.

2010-07-14T19:32:00.002+08:00

I am tired and that is an understatement. I can't stop yawning and my head is not responding in the least. Why am I so tired? I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I guess we're almost done but this night will feel like forever. In most contexts I think that's supposed to sound romantic. I am so tired. Vsc studio is in complete darkness. Was at jac's house earlier to take pictures of hayley, who is so adorable! And I saw Chee yong's Asia exposed feature. I can't wait for this to be over. I am so tired.

All I know spins out of control

2010-07-13T23:57:00.005+08:00

I never understand why you get so pissed off or disappointed when people don't give a fuck 'cause when they do, you don't act like you're glad that they actually care.

/

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to get hit by a speeding bus? Somehow I can just picture it happening. I leave all my things at home, wear something nice maybe, plug in my earphones and listen to Anberlin for the last time. I think about who I would call, what I would say, as I walk to the main road where my world will soon cease to exist (is it really that romantic to get hit by a double decker bus/ten tonne truck, even if you are dying by a loved one's side?). How I would feel when the bus is only inches away from impact. Would I be conscious as I sail through the air? Would I feel pain? Or relief? Or immense regret?

/

Nothing is forever. People, least of all, are. I say this 'cause you stopped making an effort. It used to be so easy, wasn't it, when you placed equal importance on it as I did? That one time, in a desperate lapse I sought your listening ear. And all the while I knew you didn't really give a fuck. Honestly, I hate it. I hate how you always shift the fucking blame. 'Cause we tried more than you ever fucking did.

/

Did I really never try hard enough? Or did I never have the right cards to begin with? Each defeat is a fall, another scrape to bloody knees, and the defeats are just doubts that stem from inside me, like scarlet blossoming on white fabric. Why do I find it so hard to pull on the reins of this runaway horse, and instead have let it drag me along?

Thoughts they change and times they rearrange, I don't know who you are any more. Racing towards the heavens, I fell into a pitch black. Moments from landing and I'm shaking like a heart attack.

Why is there so much value in the gruelling? Why is the value in the happy so much less "important" and yet so much desired?

I had my first puff on a cancer stick just now. I was in the L2 MOI studio where WYY and Zhou were doing their AdCam shoot. Eric and Mag and this guy Yaz who was helping Eric and Jiahui with their TVC, went and Yaz asked, haha, so I thought, might as well. Later he found it was my first time and said that he gets excited whenever someone smokes for the first time. Hahah. A bit like what I said before of hearing someone say fuck for the first time.

I probably didn't do it right 'cause it didn't feel like anything. I expected to be like cough cough cough hack cough cough but nope, nothing. My fingers smelt of smoke for a long while after that and I was afraid my mum would notice. I wasn't sure but if she did, she didn't let on.

Ever wondered why the meaning of let up isn't the opposite of let down?

I want to stop here, but I know I can't. I know I'll keep going till I reach the end, but my heart opted out for the rest of the journey a while back.

2010-07-13T20:42:00.002+08:00

It was never supposed to be like this. In the wrong place with the wrong people doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. All this goes to waste and it feels half as, and (therefore?) twice as bad as it should be. Half of this life has been full of regrets, of why not, of I don't understand, what if.

It was never supposed to be like this. Perpetual grey clouds weren't supposed to exist. If this is how it's supposed to be then I don't want it.

2010-07-12T23:30:00.002+08:00

lol i'm wasting time. i can't bring myself to do any work at all once i get home 'cause school is so draining. honestly i think being in school means you never stop working. i mean, even with work, you get to go home at 6 and not have to worry.

unless you're a real workaholic, but i don't know why anyone would want to be. your mind never stops working and you never stop worrying 'cause you might've left the office but the mental blocks that have yet to be overcome, need to be gone at the speed of ~~light~~ Flash.

i hate adcam. at this point, it is rather hopeless. i'm not sure if i'm confusing low confidence with some kind of nonchalance.

japanese role play script... well that's another mt everest for me to scale. bleh.

i had chicken nuggets from the western stall in design school for the first time today. they are the best i've had by far.

3 more days and this will all be over. and then...

i'm just going to continue reading harry potter and the philosopher's stone now. taaaaaa.

2010-07-11T00:42:00.000+08:00

The past couple of days have been most... filled with activity. Which explains the lack of activity here. I'm actually really tired rn. Yesterday I had lunch with Huimin as usual at AMK. Then we went to Bras Basah Complex. She brought me to this charming little place, Cat Socrates. Filled with lovely printed paper goods, photos and films and cameras, pretty fabrics, even kitchenware!

After that we went to Shaw Tower for Tom's Palette :) We had sea salt caramel cheesecake and chocolate sorbet. I still kind of crave the sea salt caramel cheesecake! It's really good.

And well today, I just got back from Resorts World earlier tonight. We had free tix for Voyage de la Vie, so we went to see it. It's pretty good! My favourite was probably Viktor Kee, the Lantern Keeper, who is absolutely whizzer at juggling. It's a real delight to watch him.

Alexey Goloborodko, the Games Master, is brilliant as well. He's a dancing contortionist and only 16! It's scary, but also incredibly amazing how far he can, well, contort his body! I also liked Martti Peltonen, Death, who's a crossbow and arrow shooter. He just has this really cool air to him. Jarrett & Raja, or Magician & Maestro, was a nice touch too.

Another rather neat scene was the chess board scene. Facing the audience is platforms at various heights, so there's visual contrast. But projected onto the screen at the back is the view from the top, which looks exactly like a chess board! I thought that was a cool idea.

There isn't really much to see at RWS, actually. Garrett Popcorn smells sooooo damn good. CaramelCrisp. Mmmmm. Even walking through the Hershey's store, which is connected via a doorway to Garrett's, it's full of the smell of sweet, buttery caramel. Oh man. And yeah, the CaramelCrisp is easily the best popcorn I've ever eaten.

We had dinner at Hard Rock Cafe. We wanted to have ice cream at Seventh Heaven thereafter but we didn't have enough time. John Mayer (Waiting on The World To Change) and Muse (Knights of Cydonia) came on. Well there was Paramore and MGMT too, although I think the former... mmm. I guess I just prefer All We Know is Falling, and Riot!, to Brand New Eyes.

That's it, really. Internship in a week. The next week is going to be hell and I'm not at all prepared for SIP. Bleh. I think I'm going to screw up my FYP la ha ha ha gg u_u

2010-07-09T16:18:00.000+08:00

1. I must have been living in a well 'cause I honestly had no idea red ruby was actually just chopped water chestnuts covered in tapioca flour.

2. I was late for class. Again. Took a cab 'cause I couldn't be arsed to take public transport.

3. AdCam drains me. So much.

4. "It's too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart." One of the most true statements ever.

5. Crit was much better than I expected. James was a lot nicer than I remembered him to be, and Ferdi was silent but idgaf. James liked our tagline, he said it was strong, so we're just going to carry on with our concept and run with it and never look back.

6. I think the definition of a coincidence should include the fact that they are few and far between. Well, not so much few but more so far between.

7. This morning I was just thinking, if I had to pick a favourite member of Anberlin, I would be so torn. It would be a tie between... Christian, Stephen, and Joey. I think Joey deserves much more limelight than he gets!! Obvs Stephen gets the most, since he's the frontman, has Anchor&Braille, and even a book and personal blog under his belt. Oh, and Faceless International too! Although Deon's with TWLOHA, he doesn't get much attention either. Knate gets attention from girls 'cause he's so hot but I prefer the rest. Haha. Honestly I think they're all cute but I guess I'd probably pick... Christian. :)

8. I WANT TO WATCH DESPICABLE ME IT'S OUT ALREADY!!!!!

9. so super stoked for 9/21 :)

10. bbl!

2010-07-07T22:32:00.002+08:00

"It's the choices that make us who we are." We have complete control over the decisions we make. The sides we choose. There's no such thing as "I had no choice," we all know that. You can't do everything, and still have everything at 100%. I honestly believe that.

Nothing wrong with picking one over the other. Just, don't make it out that someone victimised you when you're just a victim of your own choices. Every choice has a consequence. Some are easier to deal with. Some are easier to ignore.

Is it possible to turn back?

No, not really.

Possible to make amends?

Yes.

Possible to get another chance?

Yes again.

(although by yes, I mean, yes, it is possible. I don't mean yes, you can, or yes, you will)

Instead of deciding what is most important — because decisions are hard to make — often we choose what we can take for granted and get away with almost scot-free. What can we take for granted and get away with almost scot-free? People. Especially the people who love you.

But what's the opposite of love? Nah, not hate. Just ignorance, negligence.

Fish or cut bait.

Satisfaction, that's easier than love. For me, at least. Finishing a book. Tidying a room. Eating a tasty cookie you just baked. Although perhaps if I'd found satisfaction in work, instead of an obligation that just drags me along, I might not have held onto love so much. Not that happiness necessarily equates to love. You can find happiness in satisfaction, in simple pleasures. Just that some kinds of happiness are harder to get ahold of, that's all.

/

T02's critique was... nothing much, actually. I suspect it'll be worse for us tomorrow, though. In the last 30-40 minutes before Mui Joo had to leave for Italian class, we finalised our concept+deliverables. I felt so relieved then. But well it just means tons of work tonight 'cause roleplay script draft is due tomorrow. Bleh. I hate it when 2 deadlines meet.

Okay, bye.

2010-07-07T15:34:00.000+08:00

When friendship turns into obligation, you know that the world is nothing like how you knew it to be

endless distances

2010-07-06T22:31:00.002+08:00

1. I just found that the school bookshop sells Lotus caramel biscuits -_-

2. I'll pass my Japanese test, I guess.

3. AdCam is an abyss and we'll falling further, faster.

4. Did I think you had changed? I guess so. But it never stopped that twinge of regret from hanging around. Just now, that was probably nothing to you but I'll say this: little things console us because little things afflict us. Do I wish we had been friends? Yes.

5. I love Horatio. He's like this, super wise grand dad sort. I miss Grissom, too, though I do like Ray Langston. Laurence Fishbourne is just a very... cool kind of guy, perfect for this kind of show, y'know? It feels like I've known CSI/Miami for ages and the cast all feel familiar like they're never going to change. CSI/Miami (I've never seen the NY one) feels a bit like Friends. Oldie but always ever a goodie.

6. I think Hugh Grant is adorable.

7. Tonight was probably the first time I took a double decker 59 bus at any other time besides morning. Which was sweeeet. I realised that buses which travel via the expressway usually pass by industrial areas... so while that means it's kind of faster, the buses are mostly packed and not really thaaat much quicker.

8. I don't understand how anyone can be that cute. My judgement is probably biased but then again, how skewed could it be?? I don't think I'm that far off if I used the word "ideal."

9. Thinking about what tattoos I'll get again. Not that I will any time soon, I guess.

2010-07-06T00:51:00.002+08:00

1. I want to watch Despicable Me!!!! I love Gru and his minions more than the 3 little girls...

2. BEES' KNEES.

3. Have not studied for the Japanese test tomorrow morning.

Today was just a haze. Like a blazing summer heat and you can barely keep your eyes open, like that. Well we don't have summer here but I think you know what I mean. Yesterday already feels like ages away, which I thought was a bit like watching a lone car smoothly cruising along the road, getting smaller.

Even 'comatose' sounds like a lullaby.

Oh, I'll just go.

2010-07-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

1. I wish Eoin Colfer would turn his Artemis Fowl books into movies!!!! I'd be sooooo stoked for them. I love Artemis Fowl, and Eoin Colfer is brilliant.

2. Tom Felton would be so perfect for Artemis!

3. I think it's so cute/English that Tom's name is Thomas. Hahah.

4. Eric Dane starred in X-Men: The Last Stand! I knew I recognised his voice/face!

5. Naming the top 200 characters in the Harry Potter series by the number of mentions, should be considered an accurate IQ quiz.

6. "No one is going to make yourself feel better except yourself." I believe this to be, unfortunately (or fortunately?) true.

7. 天才衝衝衝 is most hilarious. 2 hours of laughing your heart out.

Honestly my memory of Friday is hazy already. I was late for school again and well I'm going to get a P grade for Japanese. Jeez, I'm soooo pleased. But Yingying and Lijin and XL and I found a BK wallet when we were in the canteen for a break during morning class! Hahaha happening ya. I've nothing more to say about AdCam besides it being a right fiasco...

Saturday was, alright. Ken suggested taking a cab and as we were leaving we saw Kun Long and Stephanie so they joined us and ha ha the cabbie was quite a riot. School... kinda sucked. I hate AdCam. And I know you hate advertising but we need every bit of help we can get. Every possible word of association. Every idea, even the supposedly "nonsense" ones. I wish you wouldn't write things off, instead of writing them down.

I mean, there we are trying to write all associated ideas on the board and without even asking, you erase portions of the board? Even things I wrote? I didn't even have them down on paper and it was hard to recall all the things you erased without thought. I would have lost my temper at you if you weren't so "meek."

A breakdown in communication is possibly one of the most fucked up obstacles to ever face.

Yong actually came in to see what we were doing, 'cause we were in 3-10 and he really tried to help us. But... well, his ideas weren't really the direction we were going for? He seemed quite excited though, ha ha. Then Mui Joo left and Christina+Connie came in while I was waiting for my mom, so they were doodling on the board and wrote some netspeak acronyms. Yong came in again and didn't know half the acronyms hahaha he called us potty-mouthed (which is soooo English)! He's nice, I guess, he even gave us biscuits.

Ken's place is fullll of antique stuff! Which is pretty cool, they had this ancient cash register. Will post pix someday haha.

And today today today I had lunch w Huimin again, at AMK, and we went to the library thereafter and when we were back at the interchange, this bunch of guys were kind of walking toward us, somewhat right in front of us. And one of the guys stretched out his arms as they got closer, like that of a kid imitating an aeroplane, and kind of swooped his arm over my head. They didn't stop, we didn't stop, but I was soooo puzzled. Huimin says they were just bored but really?? Is this what people do for entertainment now?? Weird much.

I finished reading High Fidelity. Not bad. I need to read Harry Potter all over again, from the beginning.

2010-07-02T11:48:00.002+08:00

Entirely shot and edited on the iPhone 4!

Yesterday was a bit of a long, hard day. But this morning I was listening to We Don't Need To Whisper and I decided that I should just let everything negative, roll off my back. It's really not worth it to give a shit about people who don't appreciate it. And I know sometimes people act like assholes 'cause they have personal problems like an inferior complex or life's just being a right shithead to them at the moment, but get over it 'cause everyone has a fucking inferior complex, everyone has their time when life's being a right shithead to them. Just 'cause your life sucks at the moment doesn't mean you get to be ungrateful and get away with it.

You must not understand how tough it is to build bridges, 'cause you're the one burning them.

2010-06-30T23:55:00.002+08:00

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." — Douglas Adams

Aw, it'll be sad when I no longer get the chance to coincidentally meet you again.

School was hmm, somewhat eventful today. I struggled to stay up last night, 'cause this morning the whole class was supposed to do a show n tell sort of presentation and I had the amazing topic of nihon teien, which means Japanese garden. So I was supposed to do research and find pix right?

I was so tired that I just went to sleep, knowing, but not caring about what I'd do for the presentation. This morning, I was awoken, late, but again thanks to my amazing mom I got a lift to school. Before I left, I printed the entire wikipedia article and summarized on the way. In about 90 minutes? Done. On hindsight, if I'd realised how short a time 3-4 minutes is, I don't think I'd needed to take that long.

Then!! If W.Yingying hadn't mentioned it, I would've totally forgot okay omg 'cause the APEL portfolio is due today, and I knew that, but I totally forgot to bring the actual portfolio folder to school!!! Ugh dumb much?! So I had to rush back home and then back to school. Printing was kind of a bitch, I hate APEL soooooo much, but I love PDF! MOST HANDY FORMAT EVER. I tell you, my ComDA lec must be the only frog in a well to not know the awesomeness of the PDF.

Had consultation for AdCam, we're supposed to brainstorm some more but I haven't done a thing of course. Will have to find whatever time tomorrow to do it. Bleh and I need to study Japanese... Nicholas is quite a funny dude ya haha he was surprised to see that I still had the old timetable URL that lets you check the timetable of anyone as opposed to the current system which just automatically gets your own timetable.

I think I should sleep earlier tonight so I can wake up earlier tomorrow! Bleh, waking up on time is going to be even more of a pain when SIP starts.

Okay I wanted to post some pictures:

25th Jun morning. Insane flood at home. Sounds incredulous, right?

More pix from STOMP, same morning, along Thomson Rd, Prata House:

The colour scheme is like. Shit. This is.. atrocious.

Last, books I bought over the weekend.
I love the NY Bartender's Guide most, it's actually a box of recipe cards!
For just $2, bloody brilliant.

2010-06-29T22:38:00.002+08:00

I've had quite a nice end to today (well kind of, because technically today hasn't ended yet). The day didn't start out too well because for the second day in a row, my mom woke me up at 9. Well what's wrong with that? You might ask. Sounds perfectly fine...

Unless class starts at 9.

Of course my lecturer has to be totally anal about punctuality and attendance. Why're all the CDS/elec lecturers like that!! Bleh. Yesterday I opted to just skip class, but I couldn't do that again today so my mom actually gave me a lift to school. I love my mom, she's been a real pillar of strength for me especially in recent years.

In the 3 hour interval we had between classes (why are 3 hour breaks always so much shorter than 3 hour classes even if you're doing work all 6 hours?!) Mui Joo and I finalised our presentation for AdCam after that. Thinking back, we should've put all the ideas we came up with yesterday afternoon, into the presentation. I had decided that we were running out of time, so I said we'd take 30 minutes and think of as many ideas as possible. I guess if I set myself to do something, without distractions... I came up with 5-6 ideas in that time.

Usually I'd have taken 23 from school, and that was my intention as I walked to the bus stop after class. A bus 8 passed as I waited for the 23 to arrive, which was a single deck bus, so I figured I'd just take the next bus 8 after all (for a couple of reasons). The next 8 that arrived was a double deck bus and I went to the top contemplating if I should transfer to 59 or just continue on 8 all the way to Toa Payoh (again, for a few reasons).

I decided that I'd take 59 since it's a faster route, so as I went to the lower deck I saw a familiar backview :) Heh heh heh. Good call! Hahaha. I saw XL at the bus stop too of course. I somehow miss XL, kinda because we used to be closer. Anyhow, I got off at Bishan... okay I don't know how to explain why this made me smile without giving it away, lol.

But the simplest text messages, good morning, good night, hello, goodbye, see you sooner not later... I think they're the ones that make people smile the most (when it's from someone you think favourably of, of course) isn't it?

I think if I just go on to try and explain it'll be confusing.

I have work to do. :( Amanda just tweeted that it's the second week of our last module in this school. I thought I should be happy but I think what I'm feeling is the slightest relunctance to leave familiar, friendly faces behind.

Oh well. I'll be back in a less haphazard state of mind tomorrow evening I hope, I have 2 deadlines in the next 24 hours. I miss evenings out, just sitting 'round a table with drinks, chatting. Like meeting Tzuling or Keith at Starbucks, and even going to McCafe with the girls or the slutxzxz.

Okay bb! This is so incoherent. I feel... haphazard.

2010-06-29T03:20:00.002+08:00

I can't stop yawning. Still waiting for twitvid to let me watch Anberlin's video from 9_21!!!!!! sigh. I probably won't sleep till I do. I have adcam to do anyway... Twitvid is a right pain in the ass. And so is M1. I'm watching the video on youtube now and I'm stoked and considering going to bed right now. I've been yawning non stop. Maybe I'll do it during Japanese... Unlikely but ugh rly don't want to do work anymore. I'm just ranting really... I miss you

And I miss Anberlin :( I hope they tour Singapore for this release.

2010-06-29T02:24:00.000+08:00

Again with the thoughts moving like gusts at 50 miles a sec, speaking of gusts, how I'd love for some pre-rain weather and autumn leaves swirling the ground. I wish there was a way for me to customise the design of my phone case without exhorbitant charges. I don't really hate RPattz or KStew, but I still don't like Twilight.

On Friday Yong didn't pick his choice of words too carefully and said, "there are some things that excite me..." He of course meant things to be passionate about, like design, in his case, but I don't know why he was talking about that anyway. But I digress, when he said that with our minds all obviously in the gutter all we could do was laugh and laugh and laugh.

Woke up late, missed Japanese class, got to school at 2 without realising that there was no AdCam class... anyhow I think we managed to get stuff done, and now I've to complete the slides as well as the moodboard for our concepts. I'm quite excited, I guess, but I always am and I always fail to produce the pictures in my head.

Today was a better day than I'd expected it to be, so cheers for that. Well I've to go do work nowwwwwww. Ten million things to do pls? AdCam presentation tmr, APEL and Jap culture presentation by Wednesday. Meh. Well I'd better go.

Miss you tons. Bye love.

2010-06-28T00:22:00.005+08:00

You're the only person that's made me feel less empty. Which I hate, because I know you don't need me as much as I seem to need you. You say things which imply that you know me more than I think (or hope, perhaps, out of fear?) you do, but I know there is so much you don't get. Do I want you to know? Maybe. But if you took everything you knew of me and left then I would have no more excuses to hide behind.

Why am I so messed up?

//

Friday was a pretty good day. Honestly I don't mind Japanese lessons so much any more but I'm just... tired of AdCam. Supposed to have phase 1 presentation on Tuesday and guess what? I've done nothing. I wish I could stay home tomorrow and keep my mom company. Ha ha or rather have her keep me company.

At noon we had those talks again, first by Patrick Low followed by Pann Lim of Kinetic/Concave Scream. Uh huh. Yes, I was surprised. Patrick's... kind of quiet. But the works he showed us? They were so good! So very simple, but strong, in concept, and very, very polished. Pann was a lot more animated. His kids are adorable!!!! His little girl couldn't stop giggling at one point so her mom had to bring her out of the LT hahaha so cuteeeee I swear. What Pann showed us was really more... fun work than commercial I-have-to-bring-bread-to-the-table works. He has a pretty carefree attitude and he believes that well basically we can do whatever we want 'cause all we have is time.

Saturday I had lunch with my sister :) And then I met Keith! After I'm not sure how long. Ha ha. Maaaan it was nice to laugh and talk and stuff, it just feels different with him than it is with other people I guess. Easier perhaps? I don't know. I wish like Bez and Kenji and Sam would join us!

Today I lunched with Huimin and went to check out this book warehouse sale in AMK ave 10. I left with 6 books ha ha. Speaking of books I'm reading High Fidelity by Nick Hornby now.

I hate school. I wish I could graduate now. I hate it.

//

I swear one day I'll go places you'll never reach.

//

You know what? IDGAF.

2010-06-26T20:11:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel content. Somehow things get to the point that you feel like nothing ever really matches up to the past.

That said, I really love Anberlin :) it feels so awesome to listen to Cities especially.

a failsafe, sinneress

2010-06-24T21:04:00.004+08:00

A Failsafe — 65daysofstatic

Bloody awesome song.

What's success? It isn't fame or riches. It's being able to do something with purpose that makes you happy every day. I am scared and I have regrets.. but I believe faith and love is keeping me safe.

//

Japanese class is... alright. It makes me want to learn Japanese properly. I wish I was in Japan u_u

In the afternoon we had a talk by Jeff Chong, Tribal DDB. Out of the few projects Jeff talked about, 2 struck me as particularly inspiring. One was The Great Singapore Treasure Hunt, for Starhub, promoting their fast broadband network (read more here). The FB group garnered 25,000 fans and 800 participants actually turned up for the hunt... without even knowing the brand behind it. It was deliberately withheld from the beginning, as a backup plan in case it didn't work out. But it worked to their advantage instead 'cause there was much more buzz and hype about it.

Jeff explained that the result of a campaign like this, made the participants become lovers of the brand and take ownership of the idea. It's just like when you see trolls on the Internet being rebutted and eradicated, by the community that believes in/loves the thing which they have in common.

What wow-ed me even more was the Be a Changi Millionaire campaign (which you can read more about/watch the video here). They did a flashmob, gathering participants from all walks of life, young (10) and old (75). The participants were not paid except for transport. I think what really surprised me the most is how so many people actually stepped forward, how everyone involved is so excited and raring to go!

It was the flashmob dance that really hit me. Can you imagine working with ideas that literally move people? That's so... awe-inspiring and I really felt a desire to be a part of that. However Jeff did also highlight realities of the advertising industry. Deadlines aren't in days or weeks, they're in hours. Your best ideas get blazed to the ground by your client, and you have no choice but to come up with more in hours, minutes even. You cannot not have an idea. As he said, it is the ideation industry. Also, ingenious ideas are nothing without polished execution and vice versa.

He mentioned not taking it personally when your ideas are rejected. Which I think is so true not just for ideation but really for anything and everything in life. If I stopped taking everything so personally I think I'd be a lot happier. Haha. I think this correlates with what Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) said about just showing up, and letting the "genius" do the work and take responsibility for it. It is hard though, to detatch yourself from your ideas.

Another thing about ideas... it hardly ever is that we have no ideas. We're probably full of them. Except we decide that half of them are complete bullshit and the other half are nonsensical and impossible to carry out. Right there, before the thoughts even come out on paper we've committed them to the mental trash bin. Again I think it's a tough fight, to reserve judgement at the first moment.

//

"Hope is a distraction. Hope will not get us across the path." Interesting quote I overheard today.

2010-06-23T02:29:00.003+08:00

Suspension — Mae
Painless — Mae
In The Cold Light of Morning — Placebo

I am hardly what I seem. I don't really know who I actually am. Aimless ≠ meaningless. I think I'll make you a mixtape, you really intrigue me. I'll need to wake up in about 3 hours. I don't really mind 'cause there's something special about mornings (but only if I can take my time to get to school and not rush).

I wish it were the holidays. 3 weeks is a nice length for a break. I miss you guys. I keep thinking/feeling of pre-rain weather. It's so so amazing. Is it possible to forgive if you cannot forget? I was supposed to do a new layout, sigh. I have an easy, quick, pretty nice idea but we'll see. I'll finish off here.

2010-06-22T02:13:00.004+08:00

Time and Confusion will always hold a dear place in my heart, even though it probably wouldn't top my list of all-time favourites. It would be near the top, just not number one. I think it's because it was one of, if not THE first song I ever heard from Anberlin, along with A Day Late. I remember my first listen was via radioblogclub! Anyone still remember that site? It used to pretty big at the time.

I've been slightly fixated the past couple of days, which is incredibly stupid.

I actually kind of look forward to internship, although I think I'll regret saying that when it actually bears down on me. In 4 weeks I'll be liberated from school, only to be stifled by the long hours of boring office routines and work. Another 12 weeks later and FYP will crash into me, headfirst.

School is doing little for me at this point. I'm wondering where I fit, where my geek/rock chick/dark and twisty jigsaw puzzle is. It feels like I've been forced to leave everything behind except I'm not the one moving... it's just like when you're in a car and the outside's a blur, except I'm outside. I'm static and my life is speeding past me 80km/h in the wrong direction.

2 years and still I feel like an outsider. Not a stranger, just an outsider. After this acad year began I seemed to have lost a whole lot more of the things that gave me some semblance of happiness in this life. Or maybe I lost them a long time ago and the distractions had to be removed before I could notice that.

It's such a warm night. I just moved to iOS 4. I miss... breakfast. and iced hazelnut lattes

:)

2010-06-21T02:18:00.001+08:00

2010-06-20T22:31:00.005+08:00

I am:

Tired.

School starts again tomorrow.With Japanese in the morning and AdCam in the late afternoon. I think it's a conspiracy by the school to have year 3 classes from 3-6 so we'll spend the entire day in school. :(

I discovered this rather cute guy today. Smart too. Maybe he has some dark and twisty alter ego no one knows about though ha ha ha

/ / /

I don't like this place that I'm in. It is not unfamiliar, but it is darker and colder. It must be abnormal how I feel about it, or maybe better put, how I don't feel. I am far from happy to let it be this way, but...

I don't think I'll ever get my head around this. I don't know what I'm doing and I never feel good enough.

oh, what the fuck.

your hand in mine (goodbye)

2010-06-19T01:36:00.005+08:00

1) I lost you just like I lost everyone else.

2) Hoping is hopeless.

3) Explosions In The Sky is perfect in the silence of the night.

4) John Mayer looks cute in specs!

5) I don't know why that encounter this evening made me smile, but it did... although that just makes me

6) Miss them even more.

7) I kept checking today but I should've known you'd pull another fast one just like you always have done. Which brings me back to:

8) Hoping = hopeless

9) Ooh I just noticed that I'm 42 hits past the 50,000 mark

10) New ship! Cristina/Avery, I don't know why I didn't ever consider this!!! They feel so much more perfect than Cristina/Owen, he's a great guy I guess and well Cristina really loves him... but Avery is kind of awesome and yea I think they would be great tgt.

in the cold light of morning

2010-06-19T01:12:00.002+08:00

It is not easy… to wait. Waiting is what the hunter does, and the poet and the slugger. He waits for the moment of inevitability and fate and then he swings, or shoots, or takes up the pen to put down a line. They don’t teach us to wait in America; they teach us to grab. But waiting is what we do when we are looking for something beautiful, when we are looking for an end to our sorrow. Nothing is infinite in life, not even sorrow. You just have to wait.
— Cary Tennis

p/s: omg tom felton looks so good in that raglan tee of his.

time to begin

2010-06-18T03:17:00.006+08:00

Hiiiiii. Time passed insanely quick today. Was late in meeting the girls for dinner today because I was helping my mom with stuff. We ate at Pasta de Waraku @ Heeren. I still think the outlet at Novena Sq is better though.

I had the seafood tomato soup pasta for the second time!

We didn't have much time to walk around ('cause I was late, sorry!) and we didn't even get to eat Slice :( This is the second time I've been too late to have Slice already. We settled for McCafè outside Isetan. It was midnight by the time I got back!

Mmm I want to buy another pair of my awesome black sneakers but I won't have time during the rest of the hols to go. I also desperately want to go to library@esplanade to borrow a book. There's this other pair of shoes at Rubi that I'm considering getting... and I want to buy a ring, necklace and a pair of earstuds online. Also perhaps a few more phone cases! I'm in the mood for shopping again.

Speaking of mood for shopping, I'm always in the mood to buy these:

Yea, I've a thing for cocktail recipe books. And I love Eeyore!

OH, AND:
DARK IS THE WAY/LIGHT IS A PLACE
SEPTEMBER 21ST
CAN YOU SAY EXCITED FUCKYEAH!!1!

2010-06-17T02:03:00.004+08:00

Better Together — Jack Johnson
Time To Begin — States

You know what I think? I think talking ruins everything. People should just shut up and never utter a word and just sit and stare and make googly eyes at each other. Telling the truth? That tears everything apart.

/

Today. Such perfect weather in the morning. Unfortunately I have no luxury of lying under warm cosy sheets with hazelnut coffee and Explosions in The Sky and a good book. A trip to the temple it is. Afterwhich my paternal relatives adjourned to my house. My second uncle has this really boyish, mischevious laugh. When I watch him laugh it makes me smile. It's always cute when a man still retains some trace of boy. But only when it is cute boy traits and not annoying boy traits like thinking that girls have cooties.

My youngest aunt and her husband are the sweetest adult couple I know. It's not saccharine but if you could see them? You just feel happy watching them. My uncle is a superrrrr nice guy. The kind that you bring home and your mother completely loves and exclaims the minute he leaves, "you have to marry him." I'm probably exaggerating but he is a reeeeally good catch. Ha ha.

Then I went around with my mom to run some errands. I bought a couple of books. I love buying cheap books (just like Alaska Young ha ha). I got an Eeyore book and the illustrations inside are the ones we knew as kids :) Sketchy and not very much like the images of the Winnie the Pooh gang now. I love them. 30 stickers inside! Hee hee. :)

AND THEN, AND THEN, I FOUND THE CARAMELISED BISCUIT!!!!! Okay, well actually my mom did. Piccie (you notice that w my new phone I seem to take waaaaaay more pix?):

K then I meet Huimin and Hoho for dinner at AMK Popeyes! Don't bother getting the 2pax buddy meal thing, it's ttly not worth the money. I am considering buying cases for my phone in a few more colours...

Another pic:

That is my youngest aunt and I. She used to dote on me a lot before she got married ha ha. And now that my cousins all have kids like Belle and Kay and Javier and Xavier she has no more time for me! Anyway the reason this picture was taken is 'cause my mom and second aunt said that we look alike.

I should listen to Mae. Feels like there's a ton of stuff I've to do tomorrow. Meh.

Oh and the flood at Orchard Road today was insane I swear. The pictures moving about on Twitter are scary. Starbucks/Massimo Dutti at Liat Towers? Completely gone. Road junction at Wheelock/Ion/Shaw/Robinsons? If I stood in the middle of the junction you probably couldn't see my head over the water. Mad. Can you imagine underground carparks? Not sure if FEP was affected but if it was... wow. Imagine the entire level full of water. So crazy.

2010-06-16T03:56:00.004+08:00

I am sleepy. The songs that remain in my head are Time To Begin and sometimes, Don't Stop Believin'. Glee does look quite interesting after all. I feel really sleepy. I shall just post pictures.

I don't know how I got that bar on the left of the 3rd pic.

Top row, from left: Memory Keeper's Daughter, The God of Small Things, High Fidelity. I was so thrilled 'cause they were just $4 per book, 3 for $10!!
Bottom row from left: The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank, The Moon is Down, The Saffron Kitchen. From the library.

2010-06-15T19:50:00.003+08:00

“If you can't close your eyes, you cry all the time.”

This kind of breaks my heart because you have to hurt, to stop hurting. You have to swallow pride, self-worth. Stuff the pain back into your heart, your mind. Pull back the words of anger or hurt that are threatening to run amok. Hold the knot in your throat and clench your fists and build a miniature dam for your eyes. If you cannot ignore what hurts you, then you won't stop hurting.

But ignoring it hurts a different way. Like the ache in your bones from an injury centuries old that still make you wince when it begins to rain. Like a bed of stones under your mattress, no matter how to toss and turn you'll still feel it digging in your back. There's no escaping that.

2010-06-15T18:31:00.001+08:00

Communists in the fun house = not very fun at all.

2010-06-15T16:48:00.002+08:00

It's been a while, hasn't it. I've been going out, I've been reading. I just finished The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank. It's not bad. Saturday I had lunch with Huimin. Koi's oolong milk tea is surprisingly tasty and refreshing. I bought 3 books for $10 so cheap I cannot resisttttt. Sunday I was with the kidz and had Penang laksa for lunch with the family. It's soooooo good.

Monday I had lunch with Huimin again. And oolong milk tea. We went to AMK library! Sleepover's off because we have clashing schedules... I borrowed 3 books. Yes my days have been boring. Oh oh ohhhhh I'm supposed to change my layout!

I am coming down with a heat induced headache. There's a cat in the yard and I must see to it. Hahaha :)

2010-06-11T13:49:00.002+08:00

I understand now why the both of you are such "good" friends... Well I could do without "friends" like that. I read something that Marie wrote, the people that keep saying they miss you but never ask you out are the ones you should dump. Interesting theory. My hands are shaking slightly. I did 'good' for the final brandpack presentation and I think I'm quite happy with the way my packaging turned out :)

2010-06-10T13:13:00.002+08:00

The fear of failure only grows, never diminishes.

2010-06-10T00:40:00.004+08:00

More than likely, you'll never speak to me unless you need help again. There isn't always going to be people to spoon feed you with information if you're going to lose your patience or if you're just going to "be nice" so I'll present help on a gold plated platter and slide it in front of you.

Wednesday night has good telly. Glee, 90210 and Top Chef! Stayed in school till 8+ ugh it sucks to return home at 10pm :(

/

1. I re-learnt the fact that to feel like doing work is something hard to come by. You just have to push yourself, and start. And you'll slowly get into working mode. I am taught this lesson over and over but the lesson never sticks around in my head. I guess everything happens for a reason. Everything that happens, everything I have, everything I do.

2. Making your own decisions makes you responsible for them. This dawned upon me in class today when Pat said, "make some decisions by yourself." So often you see students consulting lecturers every time they make a slight change. And that's understandable 'cause sometimes, I do it too. But there comes a time when you have to realise that you're just wasting time deliberating of whether this is okay, or it should be changed. The whole point is to train your eye, not to use someone else's trained eye. You have to trust that after 2 years, you have at least some sort of semblance of what is nice and what isn't.

Crossing my fingers to complete my BrandPack submission smoothly!

Holiday checklist:
- Read
- New layout
- Buy stuff
- Chill out

:)

there's a clamor in your whispering tonight

2010-06-09T12:21:00.003+08:00

I don't know how or where or what but I need to find something to hold on to. Something. I feel drifting, lost, sometimes (too often) I hate myself even just a bit, I feel undeserving, I feel blank. I don't know what I'm doing and there isn't much to ease the numbness. Isn't numbness good? Better than pain? At lease with pain you know you still can feel.

But a void is felt too. So why is it so different? Why does a void make you feel like you don't feel?

I need to stop thinking, stop feeling. I have work to do. Sigh. I'll go now.

2010-06-09T01:21:00.001+08:00

“Any expression of a person’s concern for another says I love you. Sometimes it's clumsy, even cruel. We must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains.”

I was so tired earlier. I think my "tired phase" will probably last till Friday. Meh. I hate that. I need to go to school bright and early or I'll never get my work done... sigh so tired and unmotivated all of a sudden though. I want to read. Pffffft I'm so tired.

Holiday is only a week long, I miscalculated. :( Guess I won't be able to do all the stuff I wanted to do but then again there's always stuff that needs to get done. And there's always bigger, better, faster, more awesome. In the end you see there's nothing that special any more and the chase diminishes. Until your environment keeps shoving in your face that you're obviously lacking. Which is fucking annoying btw.

2010-06-08T03:02:00.002+08:00

I'm going to head off to bed soon but I just wanted to talk about something. "People change" as an excuse for your friends to pardon the things you've done isn't really a valid reason... I mean rationally speaking you become friends with a person because they're fun/interesting/nice people to hang around right? They're there for you when you need an ear or a shoulder, etc etc.

So when something changes be it in person A or person B, and if these changes conflict, (as sad as it is) the 2 people no longer find themselves friends. I find a lot of the time that one party never realises what they did wrong. But... shit happens. And I think it takes a lot of maturity to stick with your friends despite the things they do that you might get annoyed by, when you realise that often they really don't know any better.

Other times people just grow distant. Sad, but you have to see when it gets rather pointless to keep chasing after people who couldn't care less for spending time with you? Instead of chasing after these people who don't look back, you could be sitting in Starbucks with someone who wants to be there as much as you do.

I don't believe in being your complete, true self AND expecting people to wholly accept that. Being blunt isn't an excuse to be insensitive about your friend's feelings, right? Even if being blunt is "your character." I don't think this counts as being fake, it's just loving that person enough to be mindful of how your actions could affect them. You get that?

I think it was Leonard who mentioned this quote in APEL last week, "ego is the lack of human empathy." I couldn't find an official quote but it's a good quote nonetheless.

I AM GOING TO CHANGE MY LAYOUT DURING THE HOLS. AND READ LOTS. And buy things. And watch movies! Maybe compile a vocab list. Hahaha. :)

2010-06-08T02:33:00.003+08:00

Oh, oh I forgot. Wanted to share a couple of the funnies I saw in Sunday's papers.

2010-06-08T01:05:00.002+08:00

It's weird but tonight I don't feel like being online. I think it's partly because of the awesome rain. Although it seems to be stopping :( wish it would rain all night, that'd be so lovely.

I lost my library book at home for a couple of weeks and then I get the nlb notification so I've just got to reading it again. It feels weird to hold my phone now! Like I can't believe it's mine.

I love Woffles Wu btw. His new column in 8 Days is really good. Speaking of really good, I listened to Anchor & Braille again today after quite a long while. Still as fantastic as I remember. :)

I can't wait for this block to end. Idk why but it just feels extra awesome.

Ending abruptly here. Toodles!

2010-06-06T21:40:00.003+08:00

OH YAY YAY YAY THERE'S REALLY A 2 WEEK BREAK AFTER THIS BLOCK :) I am actually quite looking forward to the sleepover w Tzuling and Huimin! Plus it's always great to have a break.

I am also super happy today because I got my new phone :) :) But I can't play with it just yet, I got to do work. *sadface*

Recommend some apps?

2010-06-05T13:33:00.002+08:00

The demons were having a blast at the party today, you should've been there. I was not born blind, nor to be ignorant.

This is not working. I don't know what is keeping me here. Hope? No, that always diminishes.

2010-06-05T03:13:00.002+08:00

:) :) I like spending time one-on-one with people :) Was out with Ling for coffee just now (Thomson Plaza Starbucks' iced hazelnut lattes aren't as nice as United Square's!!) and had an awesome goss sess hahaha reminisced about the past too, as usual. Like secondary school dysfunctional times and OBS. Talked about the future as well, like being an air stewardess haha. I miss that woman. We're going to stayover at her place/picnic during Huimin's and my holidays (that's if we have one!) and I'm looking forward to thaaaaaat :)

I have school tomorrow! My urge to shop is back.

2010-06-04T19:13:00.002+08:00

Hi. I had an interview yesterday morning. I more or less have the job, ~~just I'm not sure if I should wait for the 2 other companies whose replies I'm expecting~~ I just have to send the forms. I have no school for 4 days and I'm so happy! It was great to wake up late this morning. I won't leave my work till last minute again. Things are going smoothly but that scares me more than it makes me happy.

I WANT TO BUY STUFF!

2010-06-03T13:00:00.002+08:00

i don't particularly want to flood my twitter but i'm in the mood to rant. idk why AI takes so long to open/save my files.

idk WHY WE HAVE TO SHARE THE VSC STUDIO W THE JUNIORS. where the fuck were you last year, why didn't you say anything? why didn't you tell the seniors last year to share? why is it you wait till we're seniors to revoke our privilege? yes, it is a privilege and not a right. but it has always been a privilege for SENIORS. people come to the studio to concentrate and do work, not to be disturbed by people who just want to laugh and talk and watch stupid youtube videos and blast music. yes, things should change IF CHANGE IS NEEDED. but how is this needed? when we were freshies or juniors we did not have a proper, designated place for our work. we did work in the mac lab. in the fucking library. plus we're sharing the studio with the people taking FYP in 4.1, and they need about half the room. what does that leave for us seniors if the juniors are taking up our space too? they'll have an ENTIRE YEAR to use the studios in AY11/12 isn't it? ugh. ya, i'm selfish. just like every-fucking-one else. so sue me.

i need to buy new shoes soon 'cause my awesome sneakers are falling apart.

2010-06-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

Why do I always procrastinate. It's such a terrible habit. I never mean to but always end up doing so. Must. Stop.

WHY CAN'T IT BE THE HOLS NOW WHY WHY WHY. Why can't it be hols forever and ever. :( Can't believe it's already week 3 of the block. omg ew adcam next block (and japanese. orz)! THEN DUN DUN DUN INTERNSHIP. then fyp ohmygah WHY SO FAST.

uwu do you think 36 is enough? :/ i think what really pushes me is the fact that there's no time left to think, just do.

2010-05-31T23:33:00.002+08:00

Nothing's hardly ever what it seems on the surface, and yet sometimes the mouth organ is only ever a mouth organ. The truth is, there is no perfect Pepsi. There are only perfect Pepsis. "To a worm in horseradish, the world is horseradish."

What I mean to say is there's no hard and fast rule. And that freedom is rarely as green as you think the grass on the other side is.

2010-05-31T19:45:00.002+08:00

Something I found in my quest for information:

Shred this evidence — A Heartbreak(er's) Note

I cannot bear the guilt of your broken heart
so I had to break one of my own too.

Why'd you give it to me? I told you I told you
I do not love. It wasn't a lie, it was a warning.
I do not need it as I do not need you or your useless heart.

I have altogether 2 hearts and 2 much heartache.

The truth is we are all just sad, pathetic creatures
who react to & execute Our Great Depression differently.
(if you do not admit/realise you are intrinsically depressed,
I feel really depressed for you.)

You feel compelled & so you say "I Love You"
I feel condemned & so I say "I don't".

2010-05-31T02:46:00.002+08:00

Angels & Airwaves' We Don't Need To Whisper is a good album. It reminds me of Teddy Geiger (Underage Thinking), who reminds me of Rilo Kiley (Take Offs & Landings). Both those albums are rather good too but definitely We Don't Need To Whisper over them any time. Rilo Kiley reminds me a bit of The Cardigans. The associations probably don't make sense but that's just what they remind me of.

I can't think of The Spill Canvas or The Rocket Summer without thinking of Mayday Parade but Mayday Parade doesn't really sound like (or as good as) the other two. And the Arctic Monkeys are quite awesome. I just listened to Anna Nalick's Breathe a while ago. Oldie (quite. 5 years) but still a goodie.

Sigh.

2010-05-30T23:42:00.002+08:00

Now Playing: Hush Hush – The Spill Canvas

THE WEEKEND'S OVER ALREADY *sad*

I feel bored
I feel tired
I feel like I am wasting time
I feel restless
I feel like life has no meaning
I feel like the future we envisioned won't come true after all
I feel like nothing is going to change
I feel unsatisfied.
I wish the holidays were here. I miss feeling light and clean and happy and floaty and bright, like cool, quiet mornings. I love cool, quiet mornings.
I feel jaded. I don't want this.

"Greatest regret?"
"Her."

What do you love?
I love not being under pressure.

What makes you angry?
Being misunderstood by people who should not misunderstand.

What makes you sad?
Being forgotten. Death. Feeling jaded and lost and clueless.

What do you believe in?
Besides God, I'm not sure.

What's beautiful?
Genuine laughter. The moment in which you think, "life does not get better than this" or even "this is it, this is real and true and pure and forever." Knowing that someone you're thinking of, is thinking of you. A light breeze on a cloudy day. Passion. Shining eyes. The moments between two people that makes them friends, even if you know you won't remain friends.

What's fun?
Drinking kopi peng gau and eating mee pok/duck porridge with the kidz on a late Sunday morning (when we're not supposed to ha ha). Having a picnic at 8pm in the Botanic Gardens with those people. Starbucks, Friday night, with my best people. Discussing wet dream resorts and trying to be DJs ("chiu chiu chiu") and ordering McDonalds, crossing the overhead bridge to collect them and playing Captain's Ball and thinking about what our picnic would be like ("eh don't gay la") and being volcanoes, Pamela Anderson, Dumbledore. Concerts are fun too. Haha. Honestly nothing's more fun than being with people you really love.

What do you remember?
I just mentioned a whole bunch of those things in the previous question. But I also remember how we used to text all the time, waking up to good morning texts, taking touristy pictures with the Christmas tree, spending that entire day crying, people dying, how you are so condescending, how I have not seen you in for-fucking-ever, how you always get upset when I tell you indirectly what an asshole you're being even though you know it as much as I do if not more. I remember the best and the worst and everything in between.

What is your wish?
I just want to be content. No need for lofty aims like happiness, I just want to be satisfied.

Describe the world.
It is every description you could think of. The world is awesome, it is terrible, it is fucking happy, it's fucking depressed. It's black and white, it's all grey, it's ten million colours we don't even have names for them all.

Who are you?
A mess.

2010-05-30T16:50:00.002+08:00

1. snake pouch that jac gave me (silkscreened it herself!)
2. ceiling cat on monday morning (after pulling an all-nighter)
3. sleepy tongue cat, saturday morning

2010-05-29T23:51:00.001+08:00

I hate that even on (or rather especially so) weekends I've to be bogged down by obligations. Like school. I don't think I'll ever be strong enough (yes, strong) to risk losing myself but that doesn't make me any less scared of that happening.

If you think about it, the same act that requires courage, is also a kind of cowardly act? Not always but often enough. A conundrum I am always faced with. Courage or cowardice?

I see the lights outside and I also see pitch dark and I can't believe all that's happened. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but with a pride like mine? It ends up a faint, forever longing. Surfacing occasionally but we continue on our own ways 'cause it does nothing to linger.

Tom cuts my hair perfectly. The only setback being that his salon is in M'sia -_- Today I learnt about people with the personality of a sponge working in Topshop (I'm not saying the people that work in Topshop have the personality of a sponge, I'm saying someone with that personality works there). I feel sleeeeepy :<

asdfjklgtyprqnvxz i fucking miss you guys. i feel like i've been alone for a long time.

every day a new definition for forever

2010-05-29T00:34:00.003+08:00

I just cleared like. 2 weeks of backlogged posts on Tumblr. I've ignored my feed reader for even longer. Think I'll go deal with that after I'm done here. Then maybe I'll attempt making another dent in my bookmarks. I don't think I'll bother touching the intricate tangle that is the files in my computer.

I also need to iron, and watch 小天！！！

The 2 words, 心疼 is a very... sad but also happy thing. I guess you can say it's touching because it hurts when someone hurts for you, but then you know they really, really love you.

This evening I went for uncle Alvin's funeral service. Thinking back, the last time I saw him was the day of Mel's funeral service. About a month ago. I remember thinking that morning, that I wanted to talk to him. Y'know, just ask after him, maybe give him a hug. Because like the rest of our parents they all kinda doted on the bunch of us. I guess it's also 'cause we all kinda grew up together and had all known each other for ages.

Uncle Alvin left really quick... and Ken's holding up well. I feel terrible for them. Sigh. I hate how I'm terrible at comforting people. I never know what to say.

I think, every day I learn a new definition for forever. What's the most common definition for forever? It's waiting. Waiting for that text or call. Waiting for someone to show up. Waiting for the reprieve, an escape. For freedom. For love, for joy. Waiting. Waiting is forever.

/

Thanks to the Grey's Anatomy spam I am bringing this up again: the hottest male celebs IMO are Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Justin Chambers (!!!) and Christian McAlhaney. :)

2010-05-27T03:02:00.002+08:00

Ha ha did I mention that I kind of love trying out different apps for Twitter? Weird right. I downloaded quite a bunch yesterday, but none of them quite cut it for me. Then I relaunched TweetDeck, after ages, and I realise why I stopped using it – 'cause it takes up so much space.

noooooo it's 3am already I have work to do!!!!!!!!! bloody hell where did the night go.

2010-05-27T02:02:00.002+08:00

I miss secondary school... mostly 4E and MCB. I think I'll always miss them. I quite miss the skinners too. I mean, the lot of us are still friends but back when we had all those dumb forum wars and such it was always nice to see everyone sticking up for each other.

"7 great wonders of the world: to see, to hear, to touch, to taste, to feel, to laugh, and to love"

Anyway school's boring, finally caught Iron Man 2. Then went to La Salle for their Visual Arts exhibition. It's real strange 'cause Yilin, Shar and I were on 23 leaving school when this guy sitting opposite us mentioned out of the blue that he had extra invites and gave one to us! Cool beanz yeh.

The exhibition was quite awesome! I didn't get to take a look at everything 'cause there was just soooo much to look at. I wish to go back and take a better look, maybe even get photos. I collected some postcards and namecards and srsly, some of the stuff on display is really quite impressive! Plus I had a nice time with the both of 'em. Yilin is hilarrrrrr hahahahaha srsly.

On my way home I listened to New Surrender which I haven't heard in a while, and I thought of how Anberlin feels like home to me. Like how B. Zander says of the E note. Anberlin's always comforting, always puts a smile on my face, always lifts me up, always familiar. And then I occasionally discover something awesome. Aural awakening. Absolutely delightful.

I had a small revelation today. Stephen sang, "this life's not about me" and I realise it's quite true. I mean, if you think about the thing that takes up the biggest chunk of our lives: work. When is it ever really for us? I mean, we get the money, we get the experience, but it's just so we can buy stuff or do it better. Taking for example design, which is really ridding the world of ugliness isn't it. Being a teacher, ridding the world of stupidity/rudeness. Even being a parent, populating the world.

And I do think that it doesn't matter how tuneful a song is, just the way it connects with someone, the way it makes them feel

Merlion tees will always remind me of Aaron Marsh and Copeland.

2010-05-26T13:23:00.001+08:00

I keep neglecting Tumblr for like the entire week. Bleh. That's about 100 new posts a day, 700 by the end of the week? Woooooo.

2010-05-25T18:43:00.001+08:00

! I just got back. Went down for interview with Melissa A. which was just fine, could've been better but I'm still generally happy about it. Plus I really like the vibe of the office, they have a considerably large library and even though the place is more or less deadly quiet it does, somehow still appear to be quite nice. All things considered though I doubt they'll hire me, but I'm pretty keen on the place even if they do OT till like 1am... So I intend to do more publication work and maybe go back there someday.

Today marks a poor beginning for my foray into brand packaging but heyyyyy, what's new. Sigh 'tis so pointless

Cut a little slack today. There's this trailer for a documentary on Okto called Dangerous Companions. I'm so jealous – I would looooove to be able to cuddle with lions!!! For real. Sigh such beautiful cutie pies (yes I know lions aren't exactly *cute*)

2010-05-25T14:07:00.003+08:00

"what" and "if" are two of the most non-threatening words by themselves. but put them together and they could haunt you for the rest of your life.
— xin

2010-05-25T00:44:00.002+08:00

Careful Now – Copeland
Blame Me! Blame Me! – Anberlin
Mr. Sandman – The Puppini Sisters
Little Victories – 65daysofstatic

today was kind of strange. it's so terrible to not feel sleepy, but still incredibly tired. my brandpack report is so mediocre... everyone had like tens and tens of pages and i just had 5, including the cover. i wanted to include a content page last minute but i promptly forgot... not that it would've made much difference. i wonder if it's possible at all for me to not do last minute work but there's always so many other things to do. and i can't drop everything else just to work and work and work.

i had this weird moment in class today... for just a brief flash i couldn't believe i was in school (as in studying and not physically being in the school). i don't know how or what exactly but it was like i disconnected with reality for that second. and i don't think it's really hit me yet that i have an interview tomorrow. my printed portfolio's not ready but i don't really have time either. i picked an outfit. i want to test print my portfolio, read through some interview questions, prepare for my brandpack presentation tomorrow.

i just want to sleep. i went to look for the office today and it's not exactly the most accessible, but it's still okay. i wonder what it's like to complain about every damn thing all your life

why have so many people left recently? first it was mel. then uncle alvin. and today i just found out that one of the security guards that's been working in my estate since forever passed away more than a week ago. i miss uncle alvin. it still doesn't feel real. i can't imagine how ken and auntie joyce must feel. i miss the way he used to look before. this sucks. i wish i could be with them but they're in australia right now.

i should probably stop wasting time... i just want to go.

part time lover with well worn knees

2010-05-24T13:59:00.001+08:00

I'm always halfway in between. I don't want to. I want to get it over and done with. But it's shit. What else is there to do but fail spectacularly? akjdgytr i tell you it's a huge mess in my head. i wish i could be in australia now. i really hope i'll get to say goodbye one last time. why do i always wait, always hesitate? i thought of all the things i wanted to do but it's too late now. gone so fast. why can't i lie on my back and not move? like izzie on the bathroom floor. how why what who when where i don't know i don't know i don't know, a million and ten times over. there's more to living than being alive but my heart's heavy, it's sinking. and the lights on this sinking ship are gleaming! gleaming! gleaming! for mistakes i've made. 65 days of static doesn't sound like such a bad idea after all

you could light up a village with this guy's eyes

2010-05-24T03:04:00.003+08:00

Have I expressed how hopeless I think this is? Bah. I played Portal today. Are you reading this? I think you are. Knowledge doesn't change a thing unless you act upon it. Maybe you're not reading it. You act like you care but well, you don't, do you? If they were both drowning we all know who you'd pick. I don't even know what all this shit means. Audit audit audit. If I wanted to learn about audits I'd be in BUSINESS SCHOOL. lamesauce.

Am listening to the short mix that Shar put together for me. It's not bad so far but I'm only on my second song.. the songs kinda make me smile! Hahaha they're happy-ish songs.

I saw this while opening the zip file (TOOK ME AGES TO GET THIS SCREENCAP) and it made me think like there was this whole list of secrets, about the way my mind worked or something, that was concealed in that zip file. And that I was pulling them all out. The idea of this is a little scary but maybe it will be a kind of relief as well, it really depends what's inside.

Looks like I definitely won't sleep tonight, well are you surprised? Why do I do this to myself? Beats me. But I miss you, even if I hate the way you're so condescending sometimes

Interview on Tuesday but I half-hope I won't get it... I don't know, I don't know, I always half-want/half-not-want things and maybe that's the entire problem. See how much I use the word maybe? I'm never sure on anything.

Save me, she said, I don't want to feel like this
But I think this doesn't end, there's no way this'll cease to exist. And the only way you'll escape it, is if you end. If you cease to exist. Neither can exist while the other survives, right? So don't save me, kill me, push me over the edge. Let me go, but that's saving me too. Everything's different, but eventually they're the same. Two sides of the same coin.

I don't really care where you are 'cause you'll never be where I've been, you know it I know it. Parellel lines exist and that is fine.

2010-05-23T22:59:00.001+08:00

Hi, I am
distracted

I just got started on my report... :(

ILYBICD

2010-05-22T23:17:00.005+08:00

Little Victories – 65daysofstatic

SPARE 5 MIN TO DO A SURVEY PLEASE?
LUV YOU 4EVR THX.
http://is.gd/ckLGP

It's a pity that so many people miss out on how amazing mornings can be. This morning was fantastic. The act of waking up itself is never easy, and neither is rushing out the house 'cause you're running late, but if it rains and you're listening to Explosions In The Sky... then it's good. Always good. Especially weekends. People find it a more of a chore to wake up on weekends but it's weekend mornings that are so much calmer than weekday mornings.

I feel drenched in sleep, i.e. not actually sleep itself but more the need to sleep. But I can't. I have to do my brandpack research. And my portfolio. Is this worth it? The only thing I'm sure of is that I have no idea what I want, and that I don't want to feel like this every-fucking-day.

She dropped out of school to be an air stewardess. Courage, freedom, and knowing at the core of your being what it is that you fucking want, no two ways about it, no doubts, nothing. Nothing. I can't imagine any downside to being an air stewardess besides often having to be away from your friends and family back home... but the flights never last that long anyway. And maybe annoying passengers. Bitchy co-workers. But you get to fly like 5 times a month and visit every damn country in the world and shop to your fucking heart's content.

What the fuck am I doing, what the fuck, what the fuck, I don't fucking know a thing. You know they say courage is what it takes you stand up and speak but also what it takes to sit down and listen?

I'm just talking shit. I don't really know what goes through my head any more. I want to go, but...

Sigh I want the rain to come back and I want to soak in 65days (such eargasmic goodness) and you, sometimes I think nothing works out when you try too hard. Or when you want something too much. Maybe Shonda Rhimes is right, you had to lose it to know how much you wanted it, or maybe you just have to pay your dues.

Actually I hate posting on FB and sending emails for help but if I don't do that I won't get enough responses for my survey. Meh.

2010-05-22T02:47:00.002+08:00

I feel so tired rn. I just watched the Grey's Anatomy season 6 finale and was such a wreck. Kept crying and shaking throughout the entire thing. Kept @-ing Tracy on Twitter haha. Gosh. I'm so glad there'll be a next season... but I'm so sad Charles is gone :( Among the 4 Mercy Westers I liked him and Jackson best.

I got nothing done today, except catch up on sleep. I have to be in school tomorrow morning. I'll have insanely puffy eyes. Curses. And I'll have to do my work in the LT tmr.

I want to have an iced hazelnut latte. I want a nice, quiet, cool, peaceful afternoon. Rain and Explosions in The Sky. I want to lie down next to you, listen to our breathing and hearts beating. Eyes closed, just lying in that moment, just existing in each other's presence.

asdfjk\gh;jf

2010-05-21T23:49:00.001+08:00

PACMAN!! ON GOOGLE!! PLAYABLE! EXCITES.
10 million (y) for Google :D

2010-05-21T00:45:00.002+08:00

I just locked my Twitter account. I've got an interview next week. I don't really know how to feel about it 'cause the person I'm corresponding with sent me an email not too long ago. I tweeted about it and got people telling me that I'd probably be in for many hours of OT if I joined them. I am actually pretty keen to intern there though, just afraid I'll do poorly. :/

I hope they take in more than one intern. I don't even know what to wear to the interview. Sigh why won't the school just assign companies to us... but half of me wouldn't want that, anyway.

asdfghjkwkrtb SIGH

Suddenly I feel quite... tired of everything.

Managed to get some work done in school while waiting for Javin, which is good for my portfolio but bad for my brandpack. Sigh. Got a presentation and report to turn in on Monday. Interview's on Tuesday if I intend to have a printed portfolio by then I have to have my files/paper/whatever ready by Tuesday morning earliest so I can print 'em in school. Unsure if I should bind it 'cause if I want to include more work then how? Or maybe I could just make another book in addition to the old one, haha.

Had dinner with Jiayi and Javin at Subway TPY earlier today. It reminds me of the period when I texted this bunch of people a lot, their names alllll began with J.

I want to sleep but I probably shouldn't. Got no class tomorrow but idk how to finish my printed portfolio and brandpack stuff by then argh I hate this dumb thing :( I think I should probably go to school and do work in the studio or something like that (I know, I can always go somewhere nearer like BCC or some NLB library but school's slightly more comfortable I guess), I'll never get anything done at home.

2010-05-20T17:08:00.001+08:00

You forget that to become a stranger once more, you have to burn all your bridges. Hold on to nothing. Leave everything behind.

2010-05-20T03:46:00.002+08:00

HI. I'm tired. That has probably become my default feeling. Since school this place has been drop dead boring to read, hasn't it! I feel a bit giddy from feeling tired. That is weird.

I just spent money againnnnn. Can you believe the last time I logged into DBS IB was 5 months back?! Haha it's not that much of an achievement though. I emailed 3 companies today!! I'm pretty sure I'll get at least one reply... unless my portfolio sucks and they don't care for it D: I guess I'll email more companies tomorrow. Feeling nervous. :/

I bought a ring and some ornamental hair pins the other day. Hehe I love my new ring and I've Jiayi to thank for spotting it! Plus so cheap plz sigh bargain hunters ftw

Okay sleep time. It's 430!

2010-05-19T01:49:00.002+08:00

I feel really tired. Understandable 'cause I only had 2.5h of sleep last night. But I'm relunctant to sleep because I feel like it's too early and that I have to make use of my time well and do things.

Honestly internship freaks me out. Sending emails to companies is okay, I guess, but interviews?! :( I don't want to grow up.