i'm not actually sleepy, but my mind is completely blank. there's technically only one more spread i have to do before i go ahead to work on the little details (of which there are a lot). but still. thank goodness for the blogger dashboard widget – i'm not using firefox atm because it will probably just add a ton of stress to ophelia (and distract me). besides, it takes ages to finish loading (because i save my tabs) when all i want to do is clear my head...

actually why would i want to do that? my mind's blank enough as it is.

so far so good, i suppose, but it still feels like i'm  nowhere near.
  fucking headache. firefox has been majorly problematic lately. shows me the spinning beach ball of death for 5 minutes, disappears, and comes back for another 5 before i can even do anything. just now, every single application stopped responding. what?

i don't think it's because i had both indesign and illustrator open either. it wasn't so bad earlier in the day. maybe she's been on for too long. anyway, did a reboot and obviously all's fine but i'm still worried. sigh. did i mention i hate school and it's not going well and my head hurts, again?

i'm not even really sleepy. i wonder if i have the courage to leave. seems kind of pointless to have wasted the past 18 months doesn't it. but i am so sick of this place.
  i feel stuck and completely screwed ugh ugh ugh
  it's 3 am and i just spent the last hour watching ANTM cycle 13 with my sister. :)

going to do work now. just got to keep moving. until i breathe again. this too shall pass. x
  the day i lost my voice – copeland

i'm in trouble, as usual. everything's got to be done by thursday. i guess i'll stay up tonight and try to make some progress. but yeah, i do this to myself. i let it happen. everything that happens to me is simply a result of my actions, my decisions, or rather the lack thereof.

i just want out.

watched watchmen last night, it was pretty darn badass. my favourite's got to be rorschach. was surprised to see jeffrey morgan as the comedian. my parents came back today. apple flavoured pretz are awesome and capri-sonne is salvation in a foil pack – i'd forgotten about the last remaining pack i had from the visit to the supermart quite a while back.




i wish my headaches would stop plaguing me. i wish that i was wrong. i wish i knew what to do to make things right and i wish i had the courage to do them. i wish i were stupid, because then the answer to everything would be easy. maybe it's easier, and simpler than i make everything out to be but i just feel lost. i don't recall how i used to feel before this. like the light in me has gone out and my laugh doesn't exist any more, almost as if it never did.

suck it up, suck it up. people keep the pity for themselves, or for strangers... not the people who have cracks in places you can't see
  I opted for a sleepy, lazy Sunday in when I saw that Firefox lost my tabs. I'm just going to enjoy my fucking life, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks. Besides, work literally makes my head hurt.
  hey. so i initially planned to do work today. and from that sentence you can tell that i obviously didn't. saturdays are like hangover days. plus going close to 40 hours without sleep prior to that... clearly doesn't bode well. i had planned to be somewhere at 10am today, but it completely slipped my mind before i went to bed 'cause i was so tired, i guess.

however, when i got out of bed... explorer kitty greeted me by the stairs! i love that cat. makes me wish so much that i had my own. :(

I MADE APPLE CINNAMON PANCAKES TODAY. could've been better, but that might be due to my inefficiencies in that area. yummy although i think i'll add more apple juice next time round.

and with regards to a certain issue, i don't understand why i'm the one making decisions when you're the one who wants the decisions made.

i wish it were friday again.
  listening to your hand in mine on loop at the moment... i just completed the latest episode of grey's anatomy, which was fab, as usual. but out came a box of regrets. old regrets, i like to think of them as, but it's not like they've just been collecting dust in the back of my mind of the past 10 years or something. i don't know. a month, two, it just seems like ages when it still matters. and i think to myself, maybe i'm not making an effort to put things right but then what's there to put right when there was never anything in the first place. all the things that fall apart are the things that were meant to fall apart. no mistakes – just shit hitting the fan.

i'm tired after not having proper rest in like close to 40 hours, i guess. bezner calculated. haha. i managed to get some work done for show but there was little point save for the fact that i got participation marks for seeing my lecturer today. i didn't do much, so there really wasn't much for her to say either. mostly-empty double-decker buses are happy things. seeing my friends is a happy thing. great weather is a happy thing. good music is a happy thing (narrow stairs totally clicked with me today. it's a little hard to imagine ben gibbard being so awesome). TOFFEE NUT LATTE IS A HAPPY THING x999 :) :) :)

funny thing happened at starbucks today but when i'm with my best people it's hard not for memorable worth mentioning things to happen, eh?

K: “Wingardium Leviosa!”
H: “It's ‘Levi-O-sa,’ not ‘Levio-SA.’”
K: “See, that's why she has no friends.”

well long day ahead tomorrow, maybe an early start even.
 
  all i really want to do now is... nothing. like sleep. or surf the net. just... not work, i don't want to do work. i can't wait for it to be 2pm. anyway i think i'm really going to enjoy this will destroy you. and the later half of today is going to be a good day. just, not yet.

*sigh*
  i give up trying to back up my data today – time machine takes forever and a year "preparing backup" and it's already failed twice because the connections are so loose. i don't know why firefox is lagging so badly for me and i don't know why my CPU is close to 80˚C and is showing no signs of dropping to normal levels. i wish i could give ophelia a rest but i'll be up probably all night doing work for consultation tomorrow. what's new, right?

today was kind of a good day. the november rain is great and all except for two things: laundry, and going out. but rain is really, really awesome, so it's okay. i guess. i watched rachael ray! and project runway and antm of course. listened to hello hurricane as well and it's rocking!! it's not all #messofme style, which i think i would have loved so so much more (i don't know how much more is possible though, because i do love the new album) but it's switchfoot anyway so that's a lot of awesome right there :) the official #messofme music vid is fabulous and i freaking love it.

i had to shut down, give ophelia time to cool off before turning her on (hahaha) again and finish this because she almost hit 90˚C!!! wtf :'( i even had to manually shut down. *sigh*

kay i need to do my work now. bleh.
  lightness – death cab for cutie
photobooth – death cab for cutie

parts of the lyrics from these songs clicked in my head tonight. totally miss listening to dcfc

i thought the esplanade library was great but really the national library is so much better. especially the lee kong chian reference library. although i didn't find much of what i needed, but it was still pretty awesome. a really nice man opened the door for me – small acts of chivalry always make me smile.

the week's half over! but that also means i'm half a week closer to the looming deadline and i'm, to be honest, still a little clueless.

well i guess i just have to start. anywhere, just start.

hwen ★
1902 aquarian-piscean
the girl that never sleeps
suicide, love, & mental instability
photobooths@last.fm
anberlin, explosions in the sky, anchor & braille, secret & whisper, switchfoot, death cab for cutie, reading, starbucks, jewellry, cats, rainy days, grey's anatomy, wliia, 3am quiet, intellect, grey skies, british accents, orchestral music, bookstores, eeyore, gashapon, words, pensiveness, toy elephants
pop: links + wishlist
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